Get To Know Me

“If you want men to like you, you need to look more like a woman,” someone important said to me yesterday. She said I should wear my hair softer, wear more feminine clothes and maybe wear some makeup if I wanted to attract men. At first I was aghast. Then I felt shattered.

I have always fought a mighty war of self-confidence inside myself because of that idea. I have felt that I am not a “good enough” woman because of how I look on the outside. I have only very recently come to a place where I feel comfortable (most of the time) being exactly who I am. I love my super-short hair. I don’t feel like myself when I wear frilly things. I occasionally like wearing a baseball cap. And I know that makes me look like what society thinks a “man looks like.” I don’t even get mad anymore when they call me “Sir” at Chick-fil-a. I understand.

Maybe I fall in the category of genderqueer – leaning towards the male end of the spectrum in my physical presentation. But I am not a man. Nor am I a Lesbian. I am a straight woman with super-short hair, maybe a pair of Doc Martens, and sometimes a baseball cap. And I am so much more than just what you see on the outside.

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I was Little Miss Bill Arp 1971. I was a hell of a softball player. I finished 7th in the state in the shot put in 1985. I majored in Church Administration at Berry College. I worked five summers with developmental disabled campers.

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I like to read. I like to write. I like to bake. I adore baseball. And I can explain the infield fly rule.

I love the Georgia Bulldogs and Star Trek and The Twilight Zone and King of the Hill and Frasier. I love animals and my family and my church and the internet.

I like to cuddle and hold hands and hug and kiss. I don’t mind going outside and getting dirty. And I’m so low-maintenance I can get out of the house and be ready to go somewhere in five minutes.

I’ve run two marathons. I work with the homeless. I sing in the church choir. I have a great smile and a big heart. I have a tie-dyed bikini. And I have wonderful friends who love me.

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I am funny and I am generous and I am smart. I am kind. I am thoughtful and open-minded and sensitive. And I have a picture of myself as a little girl with Willie Mays and Hank Aaron.

I like barbecue and buttered biscuits and brussel sprouts and sushi and Krispy Kreme doughnuts and Unfrosted Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop Tarts. I like things that light up or sparkle or twinkle. I like pigeons.

I am awesome.

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But you’ll never know any of these things if you only look at my outside and decide that I somehow don’t qualify as an “appropriate” straight woman.

I know who I am. I am beautiful – inside and out.

And if you can’t take the time to get to know me, and to get to know that, then fuck you.

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6 responses to “Get To Know Me”

  1. angellangston says :

    You ARE awesome! And I love the shit out of you!

  2. Missy Verdin-Ellerbee says :

    Lil Lady you are ALL those things and much, much MORE! People need to look deeper to see the real prize you are (of course as a Bi Female I feel you look GREAT) but hair and clothing does not a woman make! F’ them ALL, your Prince Charming is out there and HE is the one that will recognize the beautiful woman that you are and really they are the only one that matters!…Don’t change a thing about you for anyone EXCEPT YOU!

  3. Thomas H. Jones says :

    The “fuck you” should be “fuck YOU!” Otherwise, the brain dead won’t know who you’re addressing.

  4. Baddest Mother Ever says :

    Preach on! That’s why I like to fart on the first date. Go ahead and be real.

  5. delilahsearchingfordirection says :

    I love your confidence. I am so envious! I want to be that sure of myself one day. I’m not too far off, but go you 🙂

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