Get To Know Me
“If you want men to like you, you need to look more like a woman,” someone important said to me yesterday. She said I should wear my hair softer, wear more feminine clothes and maybe wear some makeup if I wanted to attract men. At first I was aghast. Then I felt shattered.
I have always fought a mighty war of self-confidence inside myself because of that idea. I have felt that I am not a “good enough” woman because of how I look on the outside. I have only very recently come to a place where I feel comfortable (most of the time) being exactly who I am. I love my super-short hair. I don’t feel like myself when I wear frilly things. I occasionally like wearing a baseball cap. And I know that makes me look like what society thinks a “man looks like.” I don’t even get mad anymore when they call me “Sir” at Chick-fil-a. I understand.
Maybe I fall in the category of genderqueer – leaning towards the male end of the spectrum in my physical presentation. But I am not a man. Nor am I a Lesbian. I am a straight woman with super-short hair, maybe a pair of Doc Martens, and sometimes a baseball cap. And I am so much more than just what you see on the outside.
I was Little Miss Bill Arp 1971. I was a hell of a softball player. I finished 7th in the state in the shot put in 1985. I majored in Church Administration at Berry College. I worked five summers with developmental disabled campers.
I like to read. I like to write. I like to bake. I adore baseball. And I can explain the infield fly rule.
I love the Georgia Bulldogs and Star Trek and The Twilight Zone and King of the Hill and Frasier. I love animals and my family and my church and the internet.
I like to cuddle and hold hands and hug and kiss. I don’t mind going outside and getting dirty. And I’m so low-maintenance I can get out of the house and be ready to go somewhere in five minutes.
I’ve run two marathons. I work with the homeless. I sing in the church choir. I have a great smile and a big heart. I have a tie-dyed bikini. And I have wonderful friends who love me.
I am funny and I am generous and I am smart. I am kind. I am thoughtful and open-minded and sensitive. And I have a picture of myself as a little girl with Willie Mays and Hank Aaron.
I like barbecue and buttered biscuits and brussel sprouts and sushi and Krispy Kreme doughnuts and Unfrosted Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop Tarts. I like things that light up or sparkle or twinkle. I like pigeons.
I am awesome.
But you’ll never know any of these things if you only look at my outside and decide that I somehow don’t qualify as an “appropriate” straight woman.
I know who I am. I am beautiful – inside and out.
And if you can’t take the time to get to know me, and to get to know that, then fuck you.