Straight Genderqueer Woman

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I very specifically titled this blog “Straight Genderqueer Woman” because when I try to find people who might be like me, Google only comes up with this stuff. But I KNOW I can’t be alone. I am a unique, precious, ass-kicking flower. But it can’t be because I’m the only straight, genderqueer, woman in the world.  (Born female sexed. Does this make me cis-gendered genderqueer? So confusing!) So I’m floating this out there to let other straight women out there who are challenging gender roles know they’re not alone.

I’m actually uncomfortable sometimes describing myself as “genderqueer.” I don’t want to co-opt a descriptor that’s not accurate and offend somebody. I really feel like it’s society’s expectations of how I should look and behave as a woman to be what is queer. That’s really the challenge I wrestle with the most in my head.

I struggle with the dichotomy between how I want to look and act, and how I think I have to look and act to attract men. So often this makes me think I’m doing something wrong, or am a broken woman or not a good enough woman.

But on the genderqueer side, I do remember feeling for a long time earlier in my life that I wasn’t a man or a woman. I didn’t even know that was a THING people could feel. It didn’t disturb me. It was just who I was.

I don’t feel that as greatly now, but I will tell you that when I look at women who are dressed very femininely, in short skirts and high heels, I don’t feel like I have anything in common with them gender-wise. (I also find myself thinking they’re stupid for dressing that way and I get angry at them. But it’s OK. I’m sure that’s something my therapist and I will get into….)

So whatever labels you paste on me, (’cause lawd knows I struggle to use the politically correct, culturally sensitive ones) just know that I’m me. I’m Deanna. And I’m trying to feel like that’s OK.

And know, that no matter what the internet says, if you are a woman who wants to look androgynous or like “a guy” and you’re into men, you’re OK too. And you’re not alone.

And guys, if you’re into this kind of thing, you’re single, you have a job, you’re kind, and you shower regularly, hit me up!

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Also, my “Gender Roles Are Dead” sweatshirt is available from FLAVNT!

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5 responses to “Straight Genderqueer Woman”

  1. Eva says :

    Yes, it is perfectly okay to be whoever you are, whoever you’re attracted to.
    The society will judge, categorize and label because it is just what they do.
    I don’t believe gender equality will prevail in the near future so I can’t even imagine how strange the society will act towards straight, genderqueer women such as yourself. But I am with you 🙂
    There shouldn’t exist insecurities!
    Be proud of whoever you are!
    P.S. You have the most beautiful smile..

  2. IGN says :

    Firstly you are not alone,many straight women are genderqueer and don´t know that,i think it´s more an american thing,once i saw many women in South America denying femininity and still being straight;this word genderqueer is not used on the cases.I dress myself like a man,many business women dress suites,many have short hair….not a big deal here.I can´t understand why in UK and USA it´s a problem.It´s more cultural than anything else.

    second: (I also find myself thinking they’re stupid for dressing that way and I get angry at them. But it’s OK. I’m sure that’s something my therapist and I will get into….)

    this is not only you,self-sexual objectification is a very serious problem with very harmfull consequences but unfortunally feminism nowadays says “it´s choice” instead of fighting it( you can see the result of it: increasing raunch culture,violent porno,women´s trafficking,etc).So it´s not you who needs a doctor…

    so,no reason to worry 🙂

  3. PlainT says :

    Hey there! Finally someone I relate to! I’m bi, and have had much more success with women than with men for the reason that gender roles and expression are more open. But because of my expression and the people I date people pigeonhole me as gay, when I think I could easily get into a relationship with a guy if he *got* me. That would involve a certain comfort level with queerness that most “straight” men don’t have; and from my experience there are very few queer men who are not gay that are out/comfortable with it.

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