Tag Archive | Love

Links of the Week – April 17, 2015

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* 18 Puppies On Their Way To Their New Homes!

* The Great Garden Gnome Massacre

* Long Exposure Light Photos – (Gorgeous!)

* Doctors To University: Fire That ‘Quack’ Dr. Oz

* Defeating Polio: The Disease That Paralyzed America

* Anne Lamott Shares All That She Knows: ‘Everyone Is Screwed Up, Broken, Clingy And Scared’

* MLB Teams Boost Mental Health Support Systems

* Love Is Not Supposed To Hurt… Then Why?

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* New Study Says Tylenol Numbs Emotions – (Rushes to weekly grocery list…)

* 7 Things To Do When Your Kid Points Out Someone’s Differences – (Great stuff!)

* Hidden Cameras Reveal Airport Workers Stealing From Luggage – (Why are people so sorry?)

* Yogi Berra, Ready For The Game!

* Mindfulness Meditation Can Help Relieve Anxiety And Depression

* How To Trust Again

* What Self-Love Means: 20+ Ways To Be Good To Yourself

* Anne Lamott – Becoming The Person You’re Supposed To Be: Where To Start

* How To Get To Know Yourself In 5 Fool-Proof Steps

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* Baddest Mother Ever: Ten Signs I’ve Found The Right Biscuit Joint – (Link of the week!)

* A Boy and Her Dog: Owning My Shame – (I feel so much of this.)

* Fisticuffs And Shenanigans: Pride, You Made Me Proud

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“You can only go halfway into the darkest forest; then you’re coming out the other side.”

— Chinese proverb
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Links of the Week – April 3, 2015

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* Shatner Pays Tribute To Nimoy

* Takei Calls For Boycott

* Astros Unveil The Eat-On-The-Go Chicken And Waffle Cone

* We Need A Middle Class President

* 5 Charts That Show How The Middle Class Is Disappearing

* Can We Guess What Your Reading Habits Say About Your Love Life? – (Mine was FRIGHTENINGLY correct.)
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* How Old Do You Actually Act? – (I got 5-years-old. *sigh*)

* Angry Little Garden Gnome

* What My Zodiac Sign Says About Me – (Again, correct.)

* “I Thought I Was Bipolar” Shirt – (Need)

* PostSecret: Jazz Hands

* PostSecret: I Feel Like A Hostage

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* Monkey Meets Puppies For The First Time, Wants To Snuggle Them As Badly As Anyone Else – (Ow! My heart just exploded!)

* Tim Cook: Pro-Discrimination ‘Religious Freedom’ Laws Are Dangerous

* Moist Chocolate Cupcakes with Ganache Filling – (Proof that God loves us. He’d love me more if he’d magic these to my house.)

* The Problem With Cars And Self-Absorption

* The Spirit Of Atlanta: A Quest For Context Of 1920’s Atlanta – (Awesome old pictures of the city!)

* The Scandal Of A Crucified God (A Good Friday Reflection)

* The Importance Of Doubt (A Holy Saturday Reflection)

* When The Right To Discriminate Collides With The Rites Of Holy Week

* The Right’s Made Up God: How Bigots Created A White Supremacist Jesus

* How ‘One Nation’ Didn’t Become ‘Under God’ Until The 50s Religious Revival – (My favorite read of the week!)

* You Don’t Have To Go To Work On Opening Day Because The Brewers Wrote You An Excuse Note

* Watch Guys Attempt To Explain How Periods Work – (Hysterical. And a little sad. 🙂 )

* What The Hell Is That Tribble Doing?

* Rape Suspect Had Burns At Court Appearance – (I would get on a plane right now, given the opportunity, and go to Ohio and beat this fucker to death with my double wall Miken. PLEASE let me do it!)

* Transgender Elders Show Us The Meaning Of Survival

* ‘Child Abuse’ For A Girl To Dress Like A Boy? – (Sigh…)

* Man Thinking About Just Packing Up And Making Exact Same Mistakes Someplace Far Away

* What To Do When You Hate Yourself

* Me On My Future Plans

* How I’m Going To End Up

* Sex Doesn’t Sell…

* It’s All About Falling In Love With Yourself…

* The Girl Who Struck Out Babe Ruth And Lou Gehrig

* Girls Baseball Team Wins Championship At Boys’ Tournament – (Not just a little local tournament, a USSSA NATIONAL tournament!)

* Menswear Dog: The Most Stylish Dog In The World – (THIS! Blog of the Week!!!)

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“And when she is done, she will head for town, center, she will board the first bus she sees. Find a seat by a window, ride to the end of town.

And then? She stops. She does not know. She has not thought this part through. But it occurs to her then she can just keep on riding. It is possible, yes. She will just stay on the bus and ride. To some other place, some other town. She will look for it out all the windows. And when she sees it at last, she will know.”

Some Other Town, Elizabeth Collison


“Death will get us all. Moreover, astrophysicists tell us, even the earth and the solar system will one day be destroyed as the sun explodes in its dying gasp. On a more finite level, life is filled with threats to our existence: accidents, disease, violence, unemployment, poverty. Life easily looks threatening.

If we do see reality this way, how will we respond to life? In a word, defensively. We will seek to build systems of security and self-protection to fend off the hostile powers as long as possible.”

The Heart of Christianity, Marcus J. Borg


“It’s less embarrassing for people to think I look stupid when I intentionally look like a boy, than for them to think I look stupid when I’m trying my best to actually look like a woman.”

Deanna Dennis


“I am also learning how to feel. I’m learning that it can be safe to experience emotions. Running away – literally and figuratively – only temporarily removed me from the pain I was feeling. In order to exercise in a healthy way, I had to learn how to feel without searching for a way to self-destruct. It’s been a massive struggle to learn to accept myself. I’ve had to work to believe that I am OK exactly the way that I am, that nothing needs to be ‘beaten’ out of me.”

– Kenzi Rome, http://twloha.com/blog/making-my-workouts-work-me


“[L]ook more closely at the hard things in life: They’re trying to tell you something if you’ll listen.”

Tomboy, Liz Prince

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Links of the Week – March 20, 2015

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* The End Of White Christian America Is Nigh: Why The Country’s Youth Are Abandoning Religious Conservatism

* Justice System to 13-Year-Old Girl: It’s Not Rape Because You Have Curves – (Women, if you’re not enraged yet, you’re not paying attention.)

* Cops On An 11-Year-Old Who Says She Was Raped: “Child’s Promiscuous Behavior Caused This”

* Pope Francis’s Pledge Of Zero Tolerance For Child Abusers Being Tested In Chile

* Alpha Males And Sexual Abuse Of Women

* Understanding Abusers: There Is No Stereotype For Offenders

* “I Am Called A Whore”: Ashley Judd Unloads On The Internet’s Grossest Trolls

* “Son Of A Bitch!” Jon Stewart Hammers “Disingenuous” GOP And “Dumb-Ass” Dems Over Anti-Sex Trafficking Fiasco – (As he should. Fuckers.)

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* National Organization Of Women – (Stand up for women! God doesn’t seem to be helping.)

* Put A Woman On The $20!

* Behold The Unexpected Awesomeness Of The Taco Doughnut

* Racist Oklahoma Video A Sign Of Regression In Race Relations In America

* Millennials Are More Racist Than They Think

* PostSecret: If Jesus Were Here – (He does…)

* PostSecret: Babar

* Find A Death: The Death Of Jeanine Deckers: The Singing Nun – (“It took fourteen years for Jeannine to give up the ‘friend’ thing and sip from the furry cup and join the Order of the Practical Shoes.” And then I died! 😀 )

* Find A Death: The Death of Greg Plitt – (Leg day! 😀 )

* For When You Think That No One Will Ever Love You

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* Disenchanted With Losing, Andy Landers Calls It Quits After 36 Years Of Coaching The Lady Dogs – (A pioneer in women’s basketball, and the only Lady Dog coach I’ve ever known.)

* Psalm 37: How To Receive The Desires Of Your Heart – (As long as God decides it’s OK. And he doesn’t have anything better to do. And he really exists. Now does that really sound like granting the desires of MY heart? No. It does not.)

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* A Boy And Her Dog: Mail Is Not A Gender

* A Boy And Her Dog: Topless In The Locker Room

* A Womanonymous: Shock

* A Womanonymous: Wild Offering – (Post of the Week)

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* Black Bear Lodge Adventure Therapy – (I wonder how much this costs…)

* Workplace Suicide Rates Rise Sharply

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* 21 Harsh Truths No One Tells Teens

* 5 Reasons To Suspect That Jesus Never Existed

* Catcher David Ross’ Approach To Game Anything But Routine – (Oh, Rossy! My favorite!)

* Contributions Of David Ross Go Beyond The Numbers

* Joe Maddon Is Binge-Watching ‘The Office’ At Cubs’ Spring Training – (Oh, Joe! My favorite!)

* Largest Group Of U.S. Presbyterian Churches Allows Same-Sex Marriages – (OK, Methodists. We’re starting to look like backward-ass snake handlers now! Left behind, indeed!)

* From Patrick Stewart’s Birthday Party – (Can I get these guys to come to my birthday party?!?)

* When People Ask Me About My Job

* My Weekend Plans

* For The Bodybuilder/Weightlifter/Harry Potter Fan In Your Life

* Sheetcake Arrives At Banquet Saying “Stewardshit” – (Also, DAVID TENNANT!)

* Genderqueer Fashion

* Fuck Yeah, Androgyny!

* Fake Self-Help Books – (!!!)

* “Life’s Lil Pleasures” Mini Book – (The. BEST! ❤ ❤ ❤ )

* Nine Handy Curses Appropriate For Modern Life – (“May your coffee always be decaf.”)

* Creekside Cabin: Pet Friendly Cabin On The Creek – (It may be time to plan a vacation week…)

* You Can Now Anonymously Send A “Bag Of Dicks” To Your Enemies (Or Your Friends?)

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* Do Cats Dream?

* Awesomely Luvvie: “Pastor” Creflo Dollar Is Trying To Raise $65 Millon For A Plane

* Awesomely Luvvie: Dear Fellow Christians, About This Christ Crutch We Use To Justify Foolery…

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“Humans will always place our trust in things that will fail us. We will always insist on giving pieces of our heart to things that simply cannot love us back.”

– Nadia Bolz-Weber, “A Sermon On Addiction…”

“How come if you don’t give up on the person you love, the Hallmark Channel calls that ‘romance;” but on the Lifetime Network, if you don’t give up on the person you love, they call it ‘stalking?”’

Deanna Dennis

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Have Yourself An Anxious Little Christmas

I just want to share how much more manageable my holiday anxiety has been this year – probably better than it’s been in about 15 years. I’m sure being on Paxil for a year has helped a lot, and the realizations I had last month about my expectations for the holidays seem to have made a big difference as well.

Staying busy helps too. Frankly, I was so depressed last Christmas that it was hard for me to get off the couch and do anything. That doesn’t help my blues at all. I think the Lamotrigene prescription has helped here. It’s a mood stabilizer that’s made my highs lower and my lows higher. Not getting so low that I can’t function makes it easier to do the things that keep me from being so blue and anxious.

Being ABLE to be busier has helped so much. I was busy training and racing until the first week of December ended. I’ve been running sound for almost all the Sunday services and the Christmas cantata this month. I’ve also done a couple of funerals and a wedding.

I went to a ridiculous Christmas party for the church youth group last weekend where we played Dance Central 3 and the adults spent way too much time huddled in a corner laughing and playing with Poo Dough.

Then I drove five teenagers home from the party. They listened to the Classic Hip Hop channel on Sirius and marveled at songs they’d never heard before – songs from 1994 – before they were born…. (Seriously?) And they wrote profound Christmas wishes like “Poop” in the fog on my windows. Good times.

Just being with people, staying busy and laughing (the opposite of what you want to do when you’re depressed) makes such a big difference in how I feel. I think the mood stabilizer keeps me above that low end threshold that makes it hard to care if I’m taking care of myself or even to do it even when I want to.

I usually try to take some time off running at this time of year to let my body rest and heal some, but that time off is really bad timing for my anxiety. Even after my busy weekend, I was feeling the holiday squinkiness sneak in last Sunday night. But I did something I wasn’t able to do last year, I made myself get up early before work on Monday morning and run because I knew it would help. (And it did.) I knew it would help last year too, but I couldn’t get myself to do it.

I’ve also been wrestling with my feelings for Boo for the last couple of years. When I was in the depths of my depression last year, I got to the point where I couldn’t feel anything at all. When I started coming out of that, I had feelings again, but I had trouble figuring out exactly what those feelings were and what they were about.

I feel like I’ve about sorted all that out. For the last year I’ve assumed any bad feeling I have is sadness and unrequited love about that relationship. And so if I felt something bad, I thought it was about Boo, which made me think too hard and too much about Boo, which made me feel bad, which made me think too hard and too much about Boo, which made me feel bad….

But I had a big moment in therapy back in the spring when I realized that what I have always thought was the feeling I experience of “being in love” is very much the same feeling I have when I’m feeling anxiety. (This may be an important realization…. *snork*)

I still haven’t figured out why I feel like it’s so important to me to hang on to Boo. He’s never really done much to reciprocate those feelings I have for him. But there’s obviously something deep-seated in my need to hang onto him in some fashion and in the fears I have of letting my hopes for us go.

I wrote in a recent post that I wished “I had the courage to give up.”

For me, having the courage to let things go means being brave enough to stand on my own without having to use things and people as crutches, without having to try and control the outcome of every single thing in my life. I’m starting to feel like I’m strong enough to try and begin letting the Boo thing go.

I need to believe and trust that it’s the healthiest thing I can do. The Mr. Spock part of me knows that’s true. The disgusting, weak, clingy, needy, girly part of me is still afraid. That makes me a little anxious.

But that’s OK. I am better. And this Christmas is better – even when the anxiety still creeps in.

All I know is that I have my running clothes sitting out for tomorrow morning. I will run. I will breathe. I will calm my mind. I will keep getting better. I will keep getting stronger. And maybe one day I’ll even find something to value in the weak, clingy, needy, girly part of me.

And to you, I hope if you’re depressed or anxious or lonely or scared this Christmas, that you’ll know you’re not alone. Love is all around you, even when it doesn’t seem like it. Just keep slogging through and know that it won’t always be like this. We’ll hold each other up until then.

Much love, friends!

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Links of the Week – December 19, 2014

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* What Should We Call Me: New Year’s Eve

* 5 Things Women Wish Men Knew About Sex

* 6 True Stories That Will Restore Your Faith In Humanity

* 26 People Who Redefined Relationship Goals In 2014

* A Copper Bedrail Could Cut Back On Infections For Hospital Patients

* Arthur Blank Recognizes Historic Football Moment

* Belly Watch: All I Want For Christmas – (Sniff!)

* Top 12 Mean-But-Funny Cakes

* TCM Christmas Classics Schedule

* I Might Need A Nap: Come Sit By Me – (Come share my light.)

* Could You Possibly Get A High School Diploma Now? – (See if you can pass this quiz!)

* This Is Why Your Wife Won’t Have Sex With You

* Here Are The 2014 Star Wars Snowflake Patterns You’re Looking For – (Awesomesauce!)

* Scribbles & Crumbs: hope through the hopeless – (It’s not the hap-happiest season of all…)

* eBay: Mickey Mantle Holiday Inn-Joplin Hotel Ash Tray – (Cool!)

* Handwritten Family Recipes Reprinted On Tea Towels – (Dawwwww!)

* Pirates Plan To Blend In With Scenery In New Alternate Camoflauge Jerseys – (Perfect!)

* Rosetta Fuels Debate On Origin Of Earth’s Oceans

* Signs You’re A Badass Bitch

* Take A Long Break With Lil Bub’s New Relaxing Video

* Cats Like Hats!

* What We Learned About Love – (Annnnnnd she writes my life…)

* Why Nice People Cling To Bad Boys (Or Girls)

* Where Does Loneliness Come From – ❤ ❤ ❤

* Learning To Let Go Of Past Hurts – 5 Ways To Move On

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Rounders, rounders
Children in the meadow
Finders, keepers
Trees are turning yellow

Heads-up, catcall
Crows in the reservoir
Jetstream, satellite
Maybe it’s the North Star

And it feels like coming home
Yeah it tingles on my skin
And it feels like coming home
It’s your love that draws me in

Left turn, subway
Blow it in their faces
Raise me up,
Undo my laces

Touch screen, paperback
Making tracks to meet you
Fur lined Anorak

Running cause it feels good

And you feel like coming home
Yeah you tingle on my skin
And you feel like coming home
It’s your love that draws me in

Home is where your heart meets mine
Home is where your heart meets mine
Home is where your heart meets mine

And you feel like coming home
Yeah you tingle on my skin
And it feels like coming home
Yeah, it tingles on my skin

And you feel like coming home
It’s your love that draws me in
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I Wish…

  • I didn’t think I can fix everybody.
  • I didn’t think I can help everybody.
  • I could accept things instead of trying to control them.
  • I didn’t fear that no one will ever find me worthy of romantic love again.
  • I wasn’t terrified to grow old alone.
  • I hadn’t been inculcated with the promise of finding a magical romance at the holidays.
  • I didn’t feel like I’ve failed at something competitive when I can’t make someone fall in love with me.
  • I would stop trying to get involved with men who aren’t available.
  • I wouldn’t feel so disappointed and angry when people let me down.
  • people could be depended on to do what they say they’ll do.
  • I could let people go when I’m doing lots of giving and not getting anything back.
  • I didn’t feel like I have to chase men if I want to find love.
  • someone would chase me.
  • I didn’t give too much and too desperately.
  • I didn’t feel so needy.
  • I didn’t keep thinking that a man can finally make me feel complete.
  • I wasn’t afraid to stop pursuing someone for fear they might be my last and only chance.
  • I wasn’t afraid of other people and other possibilities.
  • it were easier to figure out exactly why I’m sad when I’m sad.
  • I knew what would soothe me and comfort me when I’m feeling empty or sad or needy or whatever this is.
  • everything weren’t so complicated.
  • I could be stronger.
  • I could afford to be weaker.
  • I wish I had the courage to give up.

To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before

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(Boys I’ve loved not shown to scale…)

Relationships continue to vex me. There never seems to be the right man at the right time with the right desire and the right commitment. And a weird thing has been happening lately where people I have loved in the past are starting to come back around again.

One man reappeared out of the blue after 10 years. He just popped up in the comments of one of these blog posts one day. He sent me a dozen roses. What the hell is that all about?

Then another ex sent me a text a few weeks ago reporting how many months it had been since we talked, since we’d seen each other, and since we’d had sex. What the fuck is THAT all about?

It’s like they’ve completed an orbit of me or something. (Wait! That simile makes me sound really fat!) How about, they’ve come full circle in realizing my incomparable womanly awesomeness!

It’s as if my exes are women who’ve had babies. After a suitable amount of time, they seem to forget the pain and think they want to do it all over again.

But the problem is, they’re exes for a reason. In the meantime, I’ve been chasing my Boo for two years now with varying degrees of success. Lots of face time. Only a tiny bit of SUCKING face time.

Why can’t I seem to get on the same page with a man and us love each other and be available at the same time? (I mean. I did it once before!)

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Boo, my “not-boyfriend” as he’s come to be known in Sunday School class, drives me absolutely nuts. But despite that fact, we’ve actually become good friends.

I’ve kept no secrets from Boo about the feelings I have for him. Most men would run screaming from a woman who’s pursued them as mercilessly as I have pursued him for the last two years. He doesn’t. But what he does do is take tiny little baby steps closer to me and then take off running in the opposite direction like a scalded dog.

It’s funny how things have evolved between Boo and me. I used to just want to claw my heart out of my chest when I couldn’t convince him to love me. It hurt me so much. (And know that I still believe completely and delusionally that if I love him hard enough and show him and tell him that enough, he’ll fall in love with me. I am a MO-RON!)

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He and I used to have some kind of messy conversation about this stuff every three or four months and then get cold to each other for a while.

Now we have this same messy conversation and then just go on with each other the way it was and nobody seems to be torn up about it. (My prescription for Lamictal helped me a lot with the pain too. Lows are not as low. Highs are not as high.)

Somehow, in the midst of all this complication, we’ve become good friends. Our friendship has become one I cherish. Boo is an awesome person. He makes me laugh my ass off. (He’s totally inappropriate and sarcastic. I love that. It actually turns me on a little…) He pushes me to try harder and do my best. And I love being with him even when he’s in a bad place where he can’t open his mouth and manage to say two words out loud.

So I suppose I just put this all out there to say that, DAMMIT, when you’re a little girl, nobody ever tells you love is going to be so complicated!

Men. Can’t live with them, can’t live without them.

Can’t stop thinking about their muscular forearms, and their big, strong hands, and their mischievousness, and their handsome faces, and their smart-assedness, and those hugs and kisses, and that stubble….

Jesus, be an intercessor and maybe a bottle of Mermaid Spirit Magick Voodoo Houdou Oil for Seduction Sensuality Femininity Acceptance! I can’t do this down here without some help!

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(What’s an incomparably awesome woman to do?)

Links of the Week – November 28, 2014

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– 5 Powerful Reasons You Deserve A Happy Relationship

Town Rejects “Hermaphrodite” Winnie The Pooh As Playground Mascot

Atheist, Humanist, Satanist, and Pastafarian Holiday Displays on Public Land

Doing Heroin With My Dad

Europa Remastered Image May Be Prelude To Mission Campaign

Lt. Geordi La Corg

Girls Getting Fed Up With School Dress Codes That Treat Them As Distractions To Be Shamed and Covered Up

New Oreo Biscuit Bites from Church’s Chicken To Debut December 1st – (Lawd Jesus that sounds amazing! Tambourine Praise Break!!!)

Hamsters Enjoy A Tiny Thanksgiving Feast – (Dawwwwwww!)

hula seventy: the jar of magical thinking – (Amazing!)

“If We Left, They Wouldn’t Have Nobody”

If You Needed More Proof That Kittens Are Theraputic, Watch This

Beckham’s Catch Meets Anchorman, Kim K As Meme Craziness Explodes

Is Dark Energy Gobbling Dark Matter And Slowing Universe’s Expansion? – (The comments…)

It’s Not An Orgasm Problem

Ex-NFL Lineman Jason Brown Left Football To Pursue His Dream of Being A Farmer – (Donates 100,000 lbs. of sweet potatoes to food pantries!)

–  NASA Clears Orion Spacecraft For 1st Test Flight Next Week

Mom’s Plea: Please Don’t Help My Kids – (Awesomesauce!)

Likelihood Of Ever Getting More Ink For My Printer

Report Finds Missed Chances To Help Newtown Shooter Adam Lanza

Shifting Attitudes At Play In Cosby Allegations

Odell Beckham Jr. Gets A Big Assist – (You wouldn’t BELIEVE how easy it is to catch wearing receiver gloves!)

What Chance Does Brooklyn Have Of Following In Dad David Beckham’s Footsteps – (Just an excuse to look at pictures of David Beckham! *sigh* Gorgeous!)

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Everything Changed

Post-Holiday-Depression-Zack-Ahern

I’ve always loved the holidays – the lights, the gifts, the music, the television specials, the anticipation! And I still love all those things, but a confluence of several factors including my divorce and the death of my dad have changed things. There is an empty place in my heart.

The holidays are supposed to be a time for joyful gatherings. But I always feel like a giant zit under a magnifying glass when I’m alone there these days. I rarely feel self-conscious, but inevitably I do at holiday parties.

I feel it particularly strongly at family gatherings. Except for my widowed mother and grandmother, I’m the only one not coupled up and the only adult without kids. It makes me feel like Forrest Gump at the Black Panther party, and like I screwed up all the things you’re supposed to be and do as a grown-up. Here I am, 46 years old and alone at the holidays without any “family.” And it’s my fault for quitting and walking away from my marriage because I thought I could find something better.

Disney and Hallmark and all the others have conspired to make me believe in happy endings, in love stories, in holiday magic. I have daydreamed countless scenarios where my magical holiday ending finally happens. My imaginary stories are so romantic, full of kisses and Christmas lights and love!

But a life’s true story isn’t wrapped up tightly in a bow after two hours. There are very few happy endings. And there are many, many sad and lonely people.

Every year at the holidays, I swear this time will be different. I’m going to beat the holiday blues. I’m going to love myself. I will be enough. I’ll have more gratitude. I will find joy.

I will not have a prolonged anxiety attack from Thanksgiving Eve through Christmas Eve.

So far on night one of the countdown, I’m not starting out too well…

Death By Penguin Love

And then I died because my heart burst into a hundred million pieces…! ❤