Two Kinds Of Humility
I’m going back to Tae Kwon Do tonight after two or three weeks in hiding. I was so embarrassed and frustrated last time I was there because I just couldn’t get my last poomsae right that I need for my first belt test. I don’t want to say I quit for a while (I did.), I was just ashamed to show my face there.
In the meantime, I did what I should’ve all along and just went on the internet and learned how to do the damned thing in about five minutes.
But now I’m a little embarrassed to swallow my pride and go back to class because I’ve been gone so long.
Here’s what confuses me about that. Over the summer, I went on a mission trip with my church. While we were there, I made a disparaging eye roll towards a man who was sharing about his day. Somebody called me on it, I realized I had been a jerk and I went to the man in the dining hall the next day apologized and asked him to come sit with us and talk for a while. It made both of us feel lighter, forgiven and reassured that we shared God’s grace.
I have no real problem admitting when I’m wrong and am, most times, humble enough to go to the person I’ve wronged to apologize, try to reach some understanding and ask for forgiveness.
So what is the difference in that kind of humility, and the humility that allows me to walk back into Tae Kwon Do this afternoon with my head up?
I studied Shotokan karate for over five years. No one was required to take a belt test, and it was customary to ask permission of the Sensei to take a test. “Belt-chasing” should be discouraged, especially if worry about “passing” interferes with regular training. Your toughest opponent is yourself. Get back to training.
I don’t really care about the belt. I just have a vision of myself as an athletic jock girl, although I know I’m really a mediocre athlete. I embarrasses me and hurts my pride when I’m not good at something. I don’t deal well with having to learn. I want to be impressive now!
I’m a second-degree black belt and I can tell you that if you’re doing Tae Kwon Do and expect to be perfect an in instant, you either need to quit or change your attitude. Sorry to be harsh but, that is life. I’m just being real. You will never be perfect at anything. Perfection does not exist. You can only do your best. And hiding is not the way to fix a problem. And it’s perfectly okay to ask your instructor for help or another person. They will always help you; that’s why they’re there. I bet if you asked them, they’d tell the same thing. I can guarantee that they needed extra help learning something at some point. So get over it, go back, and work hard. Don’t be embarrassed and quit over little things like that. If you do, then just quit or get over it. Only two options; pick one.
And the only difference between those two humilities is your attitude. Fix that and everything will be fixed.